Home

In light of all that has occurred over the last 6 months, I've been grappling with what home is? Where I felt at home? Where would it be now? Where would I feel the same as I had in the house that I had grown up in and lived in for 10 years. Would it be where my parents lived now? would it be the house they left behind, where half of my things are? would it be my hostel (but do hostels ever feel like home?!)

On the topic of home and the feeling of it, the words of Andrew Largeman from the film 'Garden State' would come back to me.

"You'll see one day when you move out it just sort of happens one day and it's gone. You feel like you can never get it back. It's like you feel homesick for a place that doesn't even exist. Maybe it's like this rite of passage, you know. You won't ever have this feeling again until you create a new idea of home for yourself, you know, for your kids, for the family you start, it's like a cycle or something. I don't know, but I miss the idea of it, you know. Maybe that's all family really is. A group of people that miss the same imaginary place."

And to some extent I understand this well and agree with. Here he talks of the house he grew up in not feeling at home there, but we left the house I grew up in, it truly doesn't exist in my world any more. I don't understand this need I have to define what home is  but I have it.

The more I think and try to define what home means to me, where it is, the more the silly age old line would pop into my head "home is where the heart is." It just stuck in my head, when I put this line together with everything that has transpired in the last 6 months, there isn't a better explanation. I realise how cheesy this all sounds and I try and cut out the cheesy when I write to you (try!) But I guess that's the reason I haven't written in so long, because my life of late is only that, cheesy and wonderful.
With this realisation that home is truly where your heart is, where you feel so incredibly loved, I could see my life in flashback. When I started college and my parents moved, I was pretty sad (I love my familiar space and familiar people, that's why they call me a cat) But the amount I've been loved and looked after is amazing.

Home is having lunch with G and going every weekend to family, eating dinner together and just spending time together. Home is stealing your brother's t-shirts and playing video games together.
Home is having the entire family together for the first Diwali you thought you'd be alone.
Home is going to a friend's home and leaving tiny presents because you know you won't meet for christmas. It is, watching tv and eating crappy food till 12 with friends and getting scolded by others for being too loud. Home is the time spent alone in my room dancing around.

And for each of these instances it's as though my mind just goes "you're doing okay kid." 

Gramophone Days

"Rusty noticed the sounds because he was happy and a happy person notices things."

There is a gramophone that has been lying here in shimla for I don't know how long, lets just say it's been around for many many years. But yesterday was the first time I ever heard music from it. 

We dusted it and placed it in the middle of the room, then very patiently took out all the records lying in the cupboard. Just reading some of the titles and holding things so old made my heart so full with joy. There were old urdu songs and qawwalis, old punjabi and urdu comedy records, Mohammad Rafi songs, some cliff richards tracks and I was so thrilled when I found an old Beatles one which had eight days a week on it.  

We sat for an hour or so, all on the drawing room carpet, experiencing something that was probably the a routine part of lives some years ago. This is what I love about history. When you scale it down, forget civilisations and cultural patterns, focus how one life lived, how they stood where we are at the present standing, what they must have felt viewing the same things we are. I love this one on one, this immediate connection that forms when you see something so old. 

A little part of that history becomes us and lives on longer through us. 

Here in Delhi we get a rare gift from time to time for battling out the harshness. We get rain and pleasant weather. And even though we get a month of monsoon its is not the same because the monsoon doesn't bring pleasant weather, it brings moisture and stickiness and blocked roads.

One of the greatest and rarest gift Delhi can give you is a rain cloudy morning and last night I saw a windy  night melt away slowly and surely to reveal a rain cloudy morning which is something else!

If I love one aspect of weather it is wind. More than rain or sunny winter days, I love wind.

There is something so alive about wind.
Something incredibly special to watch  fluttering leaves turn to swing dancing of the entire tree.
There is something really exciting to suddenly find that the stillness outside has turned around.

And windy weather combined with a grey sky is even better. It makes everything high definition. The colours look deeper. Everything seems brighter and sharper in a strange way. One thing I love about Delhi weather is that it is never stagnant, never constant. I love the extreme highs and extreme lows. It makes you appreciate greatly the lovely in between weather and makes you appreciate other places for their weather.

So here are a few songs that sound incredible in this weather. A full playlist is here, should you wish to listen to more songs!

                                                         

Slow Show

Recently these words keep coming back to me.

"You've been feeling pretty lately. It's true! and you realised that it actually never had anything to do with how you looked."

I'd written these to myself back in mid january, in a kind of letter to my future self. 

I heard this yesterday.



It felt like, it had been there waiting for me. Just sitting there and calmly waiting for the day I would hear it.

"you know I dreamed about you, for twenty nine year, before I saw you"


When I heard it, it made me feel beautiful.
There are some songs that sound so very beautiful. They create this heavenly image in your head and there are some even rarer songs that make you feel that you are all those things.

I stood in my room, under nothing but the light of the electric fairies that adorn my board.
Swaying barefoot on the carpet. Twirling and jumping to this lovely sound in my ears.
I felt pretty.
In the pyjamas I had been wearing all day I was dancing in ways that probably made me look like the biggest dancing bird.

But I felt graceful.
Beautiful, the most I have ever felt in my life.

In a sense it makes me peaceful, this song.
Like when you walk outside in the night time its quiet and you look up at the moon and for no reason at all you smile to yourself. Like that lovely sensation you have after a long deep breath but prolonged.
Sort of hopeful.

"I wanna hurry home to you, put on a slow dumb show for you and crack you up"

Songs of the day/ Background Score Love - Kung Fu Panda

Ello there,

You have seen Kung Fu Panda haven't you? Its fantastically awesome! yes its true, its that awesome.

A couple of days ago I was online, as I as usually seem to be, downloading some music.
My ipod recently had a host of problems that left without most of my music. I was getting the theme from Finding Nemo ( it will get a post of its own, later) and the youtube sidebar showed some Kung Fu Panda songs.
And then some punches to the face, rickshaw chases, roundhouse kicks, silk eating goats, geese fathers and baby panda's later, I got nearly the entire soundtrack :)






It makes me so unbelievably happy this music. What is so wrong with feeling epic and you solve some math problems or brush your teeth or wearing your sweater or talking to your cousin or walking down stairs or ......... well you understand.

So here let me make you friday more epic and then you will love the it so much, then you'll here it all throughout the weekend.



Music by- Hans Zimmer and John Powell
ok bye                  

P.S- Thank you sister, for redesigning the blog. I loves you :)

Some things in life are considered therapeutic, restorative, detoxifying, cleansing, meditative ....................(yes I can go on and no I have not used a thesaurus to write down all those words)

Now I realize that when I wrote down the above statement my train of thought was different and as of right now the train is far from where it was. Right now, I think the train is passing through some rainy fields and all the speakers in the train are blasting radiohead. 

Wow! You know someones train of thought is far far far away when it reaches the stage of actually imagining a train.

As illustrated above this is the common problem that occurs when your blogpost page is open simultaneously with other pages for more than an hour.

The theme and general feeling of this posts changes as my playlist progress.

And it just so happens that as I am having troubles with focusing they are showing a Modern Family episode of how Claire is worried that Luke can't focus on anything and takes him to a child psychologist.

I kid you not (always wanted to write that) that even as I typed that my mind just started to wander and think about the rest of the episode but thankfully somehow my fingers carried on with proper sense.

Even though this is quite the rambling post, like all posts it is still means something. I wont leave you with a stupid post about nothing now will I!

So anyway what I actually mean to say is

SQUIRREL!! 

Groovy Soul shall be restored

A moment. The moment, when the universe senses there is something amiss and that your groovy soul shall be restored. The same moment when the uncertainty changes into hope for the future.

Somethings appear to make you remember, that which was yours and you seem to have forgotten and when is does come back its the most wonderful feeling, like a hug from a person you havent seen in the longest time.






Others are new. The new friend in a class you just click with, the person you never knew would even be there.






And some things are just there for one simple, plain reason. They are fantastic. There is nothing more to it. There is no special dream it builds, no unique never before felt feeling. Just the usual tummy rumble excitement for the future ;)







p.s -Follow my blog with bloglovin

One of those nights

Been working the entire day so I got nothing for you .
Well maybe a filler till I write something better.
Here are some songs that I have been listening to.



Nick Cave- O'children





Hallelujah-Rufus Wainwright




Dont Panic- Coldplay


Looking at the songsI think I might be sad. Hmm..........

Forget You

I can't get over this song. Its been in my head since last night.Ive been humming and singing it the entire day.

here are the lyrics.SING LOUD and HAVE FUN!

I see you drive 'round town 

With the girl i love and i'm like, 
Forget you! 
I guess the change in my pocket 
Wasn't enough i'm like, 
Forget you! 
And forget him too! 
Said, if i was richer, i'd still be with ya 
Ha, now ain't that some sshh? (ain't that some sshh?) 
Although there's pain in my chest 
I still wish you the best with a... 
Forget you! 
Oo, oo, ooo 

Yeah i'm sorry, i can't afford a ferrari, 
But that don't mean i can't get you there. 
I guess he's an xbox and i'm more atari, 
But the way you play your game ain't fair. 

I pity the fool that falls in love with you 
(oh sshh she's a gold digger) 
Well 
(just thought you know nigga) 
Ooooooh 
I've got some news for you 
Yeah go run and tell your little boyfriend 

I see you drive 'round town 
With the girl i love and i'm like, 
Forget you! 
I guess the change in my pocket 
Wasn't enough i'm like, 
Forget you! 
And forget him too! 
said, if i was richer, i'd still be with ya 
Now ain't that some sshh? (ain't that some sshh?) 
And although there's pain in my chest 
I still wish you the best with a... 
Forget you! 
Oo, oo, ooo 

Now i know, that i had to borrow, 
Beg and steal and lie and cheat. 
Trying to keep ya, trying to please ya. 
'Cause being in love with you ain't cheap. 

I pity the fool that falls in love with you 
(oh sshh she's a gold digger) 
Well 
(just thought you should know nigga) 
Ooooooh 
I've got some news for you 
I really hate you right now 

I see you drive 'round town 
With the girl i love and i'm like, 
Forget you! 
I guess the change in my pocket 
Wasn't enough i'm like, 
Forget you! 
And forget him too! 
Said, if i was richer, i'd still be with ya 
Ha, now ain't that some sshh? (ain't that some sshh?) 
And although there's pain in my chest 
I still wish you the best with a... 
Forget you! 
Oo, oo, ooo 

Now baby, baby, baby, why d'you wanna wanna hurt me so bad? 
(so bad, so bad, so bad) 
I tried to tell my mamma but she told me 
"this is one for your dad" 
(your dad, your dad, your dad) 
Uh! Whhhy? Uh! Whhhy? Uh! 
Whhhy baby? Oh! I love you! 
I still love you. Oooh! 

I see you drive 'round town 
With the girl i love and i'm like, 
Forget you! 
I guess the change in my pocket 
Wasn't enough i'm like, 
Forget you! 
And forget him too! 
said, i was richer, i'd still be with ya 
Ha, now ain't that some sshh? (ain't that some sshh?) 
Although there's pain in my chest 
I still wish you the best with a... 
Forget you! 
Oo, oo, ooo

thats all I got today.enjoy:D

Machines just need human contact.
After a week, maybe a month of uninspired thoughts and feeling.
When I feel confused and low.
And nothing cures.
Not a hug.
Not coldplay.
When even fairy lights are just stupid bulbs I want to throw out my window.

Hmm.... knows what will work.
It may not get me out of my block or get me on the right track.
But it just knows what I need.
What I need is someone who knows what I've forgotten.
Knows that if a certain song is played it WILL result in a kind of warmth insde me and a chill rolling over my body.

And if not a smile then atleast with extreme gratefulness I will sleep

Starting a Band

One day I hope to be in a band and live my life in music.
Thank God someone's put up steps to help me in my journey ;)

(source)

For the love of MUSIC

I was watching  vh1, the end of a linkin park song and wondering about the songs I hear and thinking about Coldplay, and thinking about why I like them and how I havent been hearing them lately.

The song ended.

And then it began that string riff of VIVA LA VIDA.

I liked Coldplay before (thanks to my sister) but Viva la Vida was what got me addicted to the band.
The greatness/epic-ness/ the chant/ the drums.

with this song formed something that I thought I'd never have. a FAVOURITE band.
yep, favourite.

Now whenever I hear Viva it makes me want to go for a concert soooo bad.
Be a part of a "trampolined crowd" and sing with all my heart and witness 4 guys create music with all their heart and intelligence.
People who work hard at what they love and fortunately we get to hear the hardwork :)

And some day I hope to be there and be INSPIRED.




A song that changes every time for me. inspires and helps in different ways every time.

New Found Florence

Hello folks, nothing post worthy happened to me the past 3 days.

Though I did however go and do some shopping for my room.I really wanted to show you but left my camera in cousin's bag:( some other day I guess.

(anyway its nice to have a little suspense building.Don't you?)

So I thought I'd share this new favourite and on repeat song I have. I hadn't heard Florence and The Machine before!!

I found this song (Drumming Song) online and am in awe of her voice so much power.

so enjoy your monday and I hope some interesting-ness shall befall you and me.

p.s-I love how she sways and dances in the video.so not choreographed:)

do you like? and sorry its just a link embedding wasn't allowed but its was the closest I could get to a link, and it has picture so............ :) 

a second life

everyday will have something terrible in it, even though the entire day was great.
some thought will trigger it off. and unhappiness will flow. 
when all your life come back to you.


so everyday when my mind goes back to the wrong things. the botherings. 


the 3 minutes of alone time I get while going to my class I take my headphones. plug them in.
play it and live a different life.
for 3 minutes in my normal mistake ridden life I'm something I like and want to be.

I DREAM. 

Goodbye for Now

Sorry for the no updates. Life has been super busy and its only going to get worse these next couple of months.
With school competitions and and the growing fear of first term exams I have decided to take a blog sabbatical
(I would have called it leave but sabbatical definitely sounds more serious and cool )
I shall be back posting in October when we get a  20 days break.

So as a go I shall leave you with 2 songs that have been on my iPod a lot and I absolutely love them.




Mumford and Sons - The Cave








Coldplay-See You Soon (Live 2003)






And just for fun a picture showing 2 things in life I shall always like and love. ;)

Background Score Love!

My love for background scores constantly grows, with every new movie  I see. And of course Hans Zimmer is God when it come to background scores.The stuff he's done.....Oh my God! Almost every second movie is done by him. But somehow The Lord of the Rings score by Howard Shore will always always remain my favourite no matter what.It always makes me feel better.Still its brilliance get magnified by a million when heard with the lights out , the weather rainy and the eyes closed.

It will never ever fail.

Its more than a background score for me.I haven't read the books and I like the films but the score means something entirely different to me.

It's a friend.