Hush now, let the silence return,

the deafness is calming me

my blanket of escape

just let me be.

Hush now let the silence breathe,

my thoughts are getting bigger,

killing my soul

the fights are getting louder

lost all control

So, hush and let the silence talk.

It's always expanding , never caring if I 

scream, shout, cry

It's been my friend these long years

will be till I die

The silence can be smothering

moving through me

breaking down everything

corrupting to simplify 

It's deafening and black

getting worse before everything is alright

It'll all be the night

Nothing can change me now

no me even left.

Hush now, let the silence take over,

It lives for me instead

Home

In light of all that has occurred over the last 6 months, I've been grappling with what home is? Where I felt at home? Where would it be now? Where would I feel the same as I had in the house that I had grown up in and lived in for 10 years. Would it be where my parents lived now? would it be the house they left behind, where half of my things are? would it be my hostel (but do hostels ever feel like home?!)

On the topic of home and the feeling of it, the words of Andrew Largeman from the film 'Garden State' would come back to me.

"You'll see one day when you move out it just sort of happens one day and it's gone. You feel like you can never get it back. It's like you feel homesick for a place that doesn't even exist. Maybe it's like this rite of passage, you know. You won't ever have this feeling again until you create a new idea of home for yourself, you know, for your kids, for the family you start, it's like a cycle or something. I don't know, but I miss the idea of it, you know. Maybe that's all family really is. A group of people that miss the same imaginary place."

And to some extent I understand this well and agree with. Here he talks of the house he grew up in not feeling at home there, but we left the house I grew up in, it truly doesn't exist in my world any more. I don't understand this need I have to define what home is  but I have it.

The more I think and try to define what home means to me, where it is, the more the silly age old line would pop into my head "home is where the heart is." It just stuck in my head, when I put this line together with everything that has transpired in the last 6 months, there isn't a better explanation. I realise how cheesy this all sounds and I try and cut out the cheesy when I write to you (try!) But I guess that's the reason I haven't written in so long, because my life of late is only that, cheesy and wonderful.
With this realisation that home is truly where your heart is, where you feel so incredibly loved, I could see my life in flashback. When I started college and my parents moved, I was pretty sad (I love my familiar space and familiar people, that's why they call me a cat) But the amount I've been loved and looked after is amazing.

Home is having lunch with G and going every weekend to family, eating dinner together and just spending time together. Home is stealing your brother's t-shirts and playing video games together.
Home is having the entire family together for the first Diwali you thought you'd be alone.
Home is going to a friend's home and leaving tiny presents because you know you won't meet for christmas. It is, watching tv and eating crappy food till 12 with friends and getting scolded by others for being too loud. Home is the time spent alone in my room dancing around.

And for each of these instances it's as though my mind just goes "you're doing okay kid." 

Background Score Love - Pirates of the Caribbean

All it takes is one man's creative genius, a few hundred people and their years worth of skill, a kickass visual in your head and the click of your mouse button.
That is all you will ever need, because once it starts you're there!

(the only way I can say this is if you're listening as well so click play NOW!)



You're there, aboard The Black Pearl.Completely seeing everything, feeling every emotion, probably even fighting one of the minor characters.But you're there.You're a Pirate..

There very few song that bring a huge smile to me face.Infact there is no Coldplay song that will always cheer me up.The only song that will (no matter what I feel) after about 10 seconds bring a huge smile on my face.And one of the best things is that  you feel the entire movie in these 5 minutes.Everything from the epic sword fights on the top masts, to loony-ness of Jack and also bits from Will and Elizabeth action.Its brilliant!
I mean how on earth can a person pack in so much of 3 movies in just 5 minutes.
Also this track holds a special place in my heart because of a silly dance my cousin and I did for my mum
(we were bored, it was the summer) I think its safe to say that this soundtrack as epic as it is, its a home
ballet's best friend. :)



Music- Hans Zimmer

p.s- if this post gets good feedback I might post more about my score junkie-ism. If not I'll still probably post more.muahah

Background Score Love!

My love for background scores constantly grows, with every new movie  I see. And of course Hans Zimmer is God when it come to background scores.The stuff he's done.....Oh my God! Almost every second movie is done by him. But somehow The Lord of the Rings score by Howard Shore will always always remain my favourite no matter what.It always makes me feel better.Still its brilliance get magnified by a million when heard with the lights out , the weather rainy and the eyes closed.

It will never ever fail.

Its more than a background score for me.I haven't read the books and I like the films but the score means something entirely different to me.

It's a friend.