Clarity of Mind

I worked very hard these last 3 months at finally having some trust and faith in myself, finally understanding that when things start to go horribly wrong sometimes even disastrous, I could look after myself.

Of course nothing and no one would make things glossy and shiny instantly and neither can I.
I would feel blue and feel so utterly lost or helpless. I would dance or laugh or cry or just lay on the floor hearing the broken deep breath calm itself and transition to smooth.
I would do at that moment whatever that feeling compelled me to. Making sure I felt it completely.

And amidst this confusion of emotions, which seemed to be sinking me lower and lower, that trust I built up in the last months comes back.

It's a scary thing putting your entire trust and faith in someone.
But its even scarier when you put it in yourself.

Because if someone betrays your faith you can in a flurry of feelings go from feeling hurt to blaming that person. It's all too simple.

When things go wrong you don't even blame yourself. Or even if you do, the bottomless pit of self pity sits there waiting to drown you.

You blame yourself, which leads to doubting yourself. Not knowing if you are capable of choosing right from wrong. You start to depend on others, their words, their expectations and opinions.
Because since you seem so bad at handling your own life, what others say might just be good for you,  after all those expectations, even if are silent, are from the people who love you.

One tiny doubt in yourself leads to shifting the reigns of your life. You let one hiccup, which could easily have been overcome, change your life. And instead of solving the problem, you end up creating such a chaos of feelings in yourself.
You long for clarity and start to believe that someone will say something or do something to bring back that clarity.
You wait for epiphanies.
And epiphanies do not come to those who wait.

That clarity of mind is so fragile, susceptible to words that may be said or heard or read.

If you had just at that moment of hiccup, knowing that you are to blame, trusted in yourself that clarity would have returned.
Trusted in no one but yourself, because you did in the end know how to fix yourself.
Trusted that no matter how murky life became, you knew that even if it took years and years, you would make it better.

Blaming is human nature. Everyone blames each other and themselves for the things that happen but expecting someone else to guide you or help you or do the fixing for you is not right.

It's not only wrong but completely stupid. You broke something, you fix it, especially if it's your heart. If someone else broke it, more reason for you to fix it yourself.

Trust yourself, more than others do, that is where the clarity of mind is, the epiphanies.
No one is going to do things for you.
No one is going to be you.

They will only throw words at you, for your good or bad, but they will just be words.
Trust in your own first before you trust in others.

DAY 2

For those of you who have watched Inside The Actors Studio you'll know this. The host of the show James Lipton asks his guests the questionnaire created by french talk show host Bernard Pivot.

Here is my response.

1) What is your favourite word?............................ Heart

2) What is your least favourite word?...................... sensitive

3) What turns you on creatively, emotionally or spiritually?......................... sense of humour

4) What turns you off?........................ sulking

5) What is your favourite curse word....................... Bastard or Fuck as a helping word.

6) What sound or noise do you love?....................... Rain or a thunder storm

7) What sound or noise do you hate?....................... people yelling at each other

8) What profession would you like to attempt?....................Time traveller (ok that doesnt count) or tap dancer

9) What profession would not like to do?......................... anything where I have to sit in a cubicle!

10) If heaven exists, what would you like god to say when you arrive at the pearly gates?.............................. Woah! that was something!


You guys can either answer a few of these and post it in the comments or what would be cooler is if you answer the whole thing and email it to me at ms.chapatti@gmail.com and then I'll put them up. (or not if you don't want them up)
Email! email!

and just for fun here watch Will Smith and Robert Downey Jr. answer the questions.

DAY 1

Hello beautifuls,
yes you!

I have no idea why but I decided to do a daily blogpost this week. Probably because then I can set a specific time to come online and not waste it.

So I thought today I will tell you the recent happening in Casa de Chapatti.

Finally after months and months I managed to negotiate a truce with the borrowers squatting in my desk drawer. I spoke to them yesterday, they seem to be loving the top of the cupboard. They say they get great views, which is nice.


My minions still haven't finished their martial arts training.
Now I know what you will say
"Oh Lordy! How long will it take?" I agree with you my friend. How long indeed!

But till the time they can break into my room undetected they will not pass. They always knock first! silly things.


And what else........................
Oh yes! my poinsettia plant has stopped talking to me. I dont't know why! It just sulks and withers.


Ooh and and..
I saw an elephant skiing on Nelson Mandela road.
As Eddie Izzard once said

"If you've never seen an elephant ski then you've never been on acid"

Protectors

Hello people, 

How goes your march? The summer seems to have begun really suddenly here in Delhi. Not fun! I haven't even taken out my summer clothes yet.

Anywho, I thought I'd introduce you to 3 very special people in my life. You could call them my guardian angels if you like.

So first up: 

1.  Tiny the Music Elephant/ Theodore

I made him myself and he is actually really teeny tiny(that is a medium bunch of post-its he is standing on). He hangs around near the ipod dock in my room guarding it and making sure that only the loveliest songs get played. His personality is painted all over him, as you can see. I especially love the flowers on his back. 

But the biggest achievement about him is that he has ears. When I had made an elephant for my sister I forgot the ears! 

2. Lady Hummeli

    

                                                                       

This lovely bumblebee sits on my desk, smiling at me whenever I get frustrated from studying. She is very very lady like as you can see from the side positioning of her legs. But she is also very spunky which you can see from her hair. She was given to me by the awesome G. She is actually a keychain but don't ever say that to her ladyship, she despises labels.

3. He-who-can-never-be-named-because-I-cannot-think-of-one.

 

Some might find him a bit creepy but I don't. Those large eyes quietly judge me the entire day. They look out for me when I seem sad. He was also drawn for me by G(she is pretty cool). 

This post may make you think that I stay in my room all day and have no friends. But that isn't true! It's not like I'm crazy, I don't have staring contests with this alien or talk to him as though we're having a deep philosophical discussion!    

Of course I don't.

Ok moving on!

so here they are, my roommates. 

Say bye roommates,

BYE :)

 

On the topic of Words.

Do you have certain words in the english language that you hate and certain which just sound like music to you?
You do!

Oh goody! So I'll share mine first and then you tell me yours.


WORDS I HATE

-Childish : Why is being described as a child so bad! I hate that the word is negatively used. This world needs to be more like a child! i.e sleeping and laughing at googly eyes.

-Sensitive : unless its used to describe high functioning senses eg. highly sensitive hearing, this word makes me do one of my many disgusted ugly faces. Do not ever use to describe your emotions or personality or whatever.

-Rockstar : When it is written in a music magazine or to describe anything to actually do with music its ok. When used for describing attitude it drives me insane. If you aren't actually going to sing for me songs pertaining to the rock genre I will not call you a rockstar! If call yourself one I shall instantly judge you. Be prepared!

   
WORDS I LOVE

-Blasphemous : I love using this word. Its a new favourite of mine, I use it where ever I possibly can.
its has a lovely sound to it. BLASPHEMOUS!

-Poot : according to Urban Dictionary it is used to describe a brief flatulatory experience. That is fancy speak for a tiny fart. How could you not find a word, which sounds like a tiny fart, funny.

-Phototropism : I dont even know why I like this one. But I do.

-Discombobulate : I admit I found this word only because of the Sherlock Holmes movie. I love it when words create the same feeling as what they mean. There is something so confusingly cool about discombobulate.

-Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious : I'm not even going to explain this one.



Now your turn! Yes you, go on. Don't be shy, whoever you are. Anyone?  Hellooo......?


(image source)