Friday 3 March 2017

"Times change, so must I"



I have been grappling with the idea of writing more on this blog. To anyone who ever read it, basically my family, I am sorry I haven't written in here in years. In my last post, 2 years ago I wrote that it was time for a regeneration, it certainly has been a personal regeneration but it is also now time for this blog to regenerate.

I write to make sense of the thoughts in my mind. Writing has always made it easier for me to understand what I'm feeling, why I'm feeling it or it helped me create a feeling I wanted to be true. Writing on the blog for me was always an exercise in testing my fiction muscles. I don't think it would be a surprise to anyone, all I have ever wanted was to be in one of the adventures I read or watched, but in the words of Frodo Baggins himself "my own adventure turned out to be quite different.'

Writing is still a big part of my life, just not in the way I imagined it to be. I have, in my adult life so far, written to make sense of the past which meant that writing for myself naturally took a back seat. In that time I've started to feel that I'm slowly developing my own style of writing and that might not neccesarily suit any sort of fiction writing. At the same time I find that with everything currently happening in the world, in my country and more specifically my own universities, my mind keeps pulling me to my blog. A nagging thought of 'write and you'll feel better'. I need to write to make sense of my thoughts again. As I said, I've always written for mainly that reason, but I've never really properly written posts on this blog that way. They have always been my thoughts through characters I've written and in some cases, happier and lighter posts to distract myself from whatever I was feeling or thinking at that moment. I now want to start writing to you directly and sadly it may often be non-fiction.

So to cut this very long explanation short, I will hopefully write more on this blog but the tone will definitely be quite different from before. In talking about current events, I do not claim it will be the best written work out there, I will link to better researched and written articles all the time. I only want to get back to writing and hope to write honestly.

Thursday 28 May 2015

Time for regeneration


It's time for transitions again and time for changes. Unlike the last time when I was 17, I feel like I may have a slightly better outlook on things this time. I think this may be purely driven by lots of rewatching 'Doctor Who', but I have come to apply the concept of regeneration to humans as well. I may not be a Time Lady with two hearts, but I most definitely change, grow and regenerate. A recent rewatching of  Eleven's regeneration made me believe in it even more. Everything he said was so completely relatable .


 "But times change, and so must I"

"We all change. When you think about it, we're all different people all through our lives, and that's okay, that's good, you gotta keep moving, so long as you remember all the people that you used to be. I will not forget one line of this. Not one day. I swear. I will always remember when the Doctor was me"


My college regeneration so far has been my favourite. The most chaotic, wonderful, scary and lovely all at the same time. I didn't have a pin-stripe suit or a bow tie, but I had my short hair. I had my soundtracks changing with every season. Most importantly I had my companions. Some who were the first face this face saw, some who I carried on from before, some completely new ones. All whom I will always have with me. Maybe not all in every adventure but the life of the Doctor is strange and wonderful and hopefully very long so there is room for everyone and still enough for lots of additions

"It all just disappears, doesn't it? Everything you are, gone in a moment, like breath on a mirror. Any moment now... He's a-comin'."

And just as suddenly as this college regeneration happened, the new one will begin. We will all be left in strange places not knowing how to fly our own T.A.R.D.I.S. Slowly, begrudgingly re-learn some things and excitedly learn new ones. Regenerations are scary and exciting business. I wonder what my catchphrase will be, what will be my costume? Will the soundtrack get darker or lighter, orchestral or electronic. However the Doctor would be nothing without his companion and neither would I. So I go into this regeneration, knowing that when I come out the other side not liking the colour of my kidneys, wishing I was ginger or wondering If I am good person, I am safe because I have my companions. Change can leave both parties afraid and confused and doubting things, but just knowing that the company is still around makes everything better.

So bring it on regeneration.
GERONIMO!!


Wednesday 19 November 2014

    






Hush now, let the silence return,
the deafness is calming me
my blanket of escape
just let me be.
Hush now let the silence breathe,

my thoughts are getting bigger,
killing my soul
the fights are getting louder
lost all control
So, hush and let the silence talk.

It's always expanding , never caring if I 
scream, shout, cry
It's been my friend these long years
will be till I die

The silence can be smothering
moving through me
breaking down everything
corrupting to simplify 

It's deafening and black
getting worse before everything is alright
It'll all be the night
Nothing can change me now
no me even left.
Hush now, let the silence take over,
It lives for me instead

Sunday 31 August 2014

Flowers behind her ear

As I grew, I was repeatedly told of all the different fates I could have. There was always a rangoli, some lovely vases, life in the tree. But the one that truly stuck with me was the holiday. It was a short life but it sounded so absolutely fantastic. When I go, I would like to go that way. The idea, to be tucked behind a human ear but not just any ear, an ear on holiday. "Find a human ear on holiday! That's the best way to go!" They're at their happiest and you get the best seat to some of the most gorgeous places in the world.
     
                                          *               *            *             *            *      

"Flowers behind the ear is holiday uniform" her older sister had said those words to her since she was little. Holidays need not necessarily be when you go to a new place or take a vacation, holidays happen when you want them to. So, many an afternoon was spent finding flowers. But as both sisters soon realised, flowers don't bloom all year round, for which the older sister always had her trusty plastic roses. Wearing their favourite clothes and armed with some of their mother's never-used make-up and the trusty plastic roses tucked behind their ears, both girls fulfilled their mission of creating a cute but chaotic house. Whenever they actually went on a holiday and found flowers, that was an incredible treat. The happiness would wash over their faces. Everything in life felt like it was coming together. No matter how well they imagined themselves, nothing could ever beat the real deal. Nothing could take away from the actual experience of having a real flower tucked behind your ear and getting to see new places, a true vacation.

                                          *              *             *             *            *

Waiting for her older sister to catch up, the younger one waited under a tree, a frangipani tree, a flower fell on her head.

                                          *               *            *             *            *      

I noticed her standing under my tree. Something in that moment felt like everything in life was coming together. The winds were changing. It was time to go.

                                          *               *            *             *            *      

With the flower tucked happily behind her ear, she answered her older sister "just keep walking, I promise the view is great!"




Wednesday 25 September 2013

The Case of Crenshaw's Block #6

#1 #2 #3 #4 #5 




He always liked his mornings to be slow. A long routine to help him completely surface and get his mind functioning at full capacity. 

Music was put on, coffee was slowly brewed, teeth brushed, toast buttered and eggs scrambled as usual. His playlist slowly building up to songs with drums and french horns. You could tell he felt happy today, his french horn songs were only reserved for happy days. 

Now I know what we all want, he's got the idea, so why is it taking so much time to get to the good bit, where he starts writing and we finally have our story? To this I say, how can you be so sure you know which is the good bit? And good things come to those who wait, a truth Crenshaw is also familiar with. A man who likes slow mornings isn't going to speed things up for you and me.

He needed to keep his brain occupied so that in all these tasks, somewhere in the back of that brain was a box which would begin to rattle and shake and open with a loud BANG! and out would come a grandmother, two girls and a boy. The rattle had only just begun, so he continued with his routine. A bath, washing dishes and some more coffee. He fished out his laptop from his cupboard and went on to reply some emails. 
He mainly wanted to write to his sister, that always helped. This had nothing to do with any advice exchanged, just the process of writing to her helped calm his mind. He opened his inbox and there waiting for him was a mail from her. One sentence and an attachment : Hear with good headphones, you will love this!
Once he clicked download, he didnt know that the BANG! was just about to happen. His sister never knew how many character-detonators (as he liked to call her mp3 attachments) she had sent him over the years, he of course kept count. 

Play was pressed and then it began, this strange and wonderful song of a cello, a mandolin, a violin and a double bass. And he could now see it all so very clearly. Grandmother sitting at the table with a cup of tea next to him, boy moving from room to room humming, one girl checking her phone and the other in the kitchen grumbling about how she could smell something burning but couldn't track the source.
They were here! 

Maybe this is the good bit?!