I don't like waiting because waiting leads to wondering and though wondering is a great thing, extended periods of it does strange things to my mind. I lose the clarity and focus I had gained in all this time and second guessing and over thinking plague me again. My assessment of myself reaches an all time low.
I am suspended in this dreadful limbo called waiting. This long bridge from A to B is what scares me. Whatever lies on the other side I've made my peace with it. It's this walking on the bridge that I've made, like testing your own work. The manner of your entry into the new depends on the journey through the transition. The better the foundation you've laid the smoother the transition. You can waltz across the bridge.
But this current transition, walking this bridge, it doesn't feel like it will be a smooth one. I keep waiting for it to crumble under my feet or blow up in my face.
I do not like transitions.
Until this time is over I would like to melt away into the mess that is surrounding me.
I care for nothing and I care for no one.
In truth, what is more likely is that I care too much for everything and everyone. So until this bridge is over or until it gives way under my feet, until I am settled in B and leave A behind, I would like fo myself to try and not care.